While I could compare myself to someone more literate like Rick Blaine stealing the heart of Ilsa, or more historical like John Dillinger stealing from banks, I'll settle on the commercial and the obvious: when I laid my eyes on "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" I felt like Thomas Crown, art thief extraordinare. I wanted to take that painting, if not touch it.
This painting holds the record as the most expensive painting ever auctioned off, totaling in at over $106 million US Dollars. While painting like the Mona Lisa and Monet's Japanese Bridge, even other Picasso's may come in at higher prices, they won't be auctioned off, mostly because they are valued as "priceless". Technically, this is the most expensive painting one could own.
After the initial visit to the Tate Modern, I brought visiting friends there, specifically so I can see this painting on lease and recently put up on display in the Picasso room. Even if I hadn't seen the painting online before visiting, I would have known exactly which one it was, partly because of its primary location on display, having an entire wall to itself, but mostly because it was the most beautiful painting in the room.
It isn't classic Picasso, if there is such a thing. It isn't definitive cubism like the other paintings in the room, but it does have hints of it, with various geometric shapes across the canvas. The contrast of the dark background colors with the light skinned woman is magnetic, causing my instant attention to the painting while entering the room. I love the fruit at the bottom and their odd emphasized creases with the color grey. They I noticed the woman's hair was blonde with grey highlights. Obviously she is fully blonde, but i thought it was interesting how that color was used to that effect.
I circumvented the painting many times, half admiring it, half planning my attack. How could i touch it without notice? I decided to plank the left exterior when the guard was talking to someone. At the point of attack, I became stuck when the conversation was short between the old lady and the guard. (Don't old ladies usually ask multi-part questions?) Quickly, I divert her attention to the creepy kid on the wall by pulling out my cell and punching some buttons. I cool into a relaxed position and remain unsuspecting. I come within inches, slowly maneuvering towards the gold-mine. All I want to know is what that much money feels like. It's beyond the beautiful piece of art now. I'm convinced I will gain knowledge just through the brush of flesh to paint.
I stop. What the hell am I thinking? I'd get tossed out, banned from the museum, the city, the EU. And I'd probably (and rightfully) flunk my class on museums. I dash out of the Picasso room quickly, but had a guard tail me for the next hour. A small price to pay.
So was the painting worth that much money? Probably not. But I do like it. And still want to touch it. If not steal it.
